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Author: matz_rockz

anything to share,your thoughts,feelings anything under the sun....

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Post time 19-7-2005 01:54 PM | Show all posts
Doktor : Mat, sekarang awak dah pulih sikit. Awak dah jadi normal, jadi saya benarkan awak keluar dari Tanjung Rambutan ni. Tapi ingat, awak bukan sebutir beras, awak ialah manusia. Ingat tu!!

Mat : Baik doctor. Saya ingat, saya manusia. Saya bukan sebutir beras.

Doktol : Bagus.. sekarang awak tak perlu takut pada ayam lagi, dia takkan makan awak.

Mat : tapi doctor.. saya ada satu soalan..

Doktol : ape lagi Mat?

Mat : ye la, saya dah tau saya ni manusia, doctor pun tau saya manusia, tapi, ayam tu tau ke saya ni bukan beras lagi??

Doktor : Mat, tak apalah, awak duduk la kat Tanjung Rambutan ni, awak belum pulih lagi rupenya
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Post time 19-7-2005 01:57 PM | Show all posts
ORANG ASLI
Pada suatu hari sepasukan Polis membuat Road Block bagi memeriksa penunggang motorsikal yang tidak memiliki lesen memandu. Tiba-tiba mereka ternampak sekeluarga Orang Asli menaiki motorsikal. Mereka naik bertiga dan tidak memakai topi keledar.
Maka polis tersebut ingin menahan orang asli ini. Akan tetapi orang asli tu tidak berhenti malah memecut motorsikalnya dengan laju. Polis tadi pun terkejut dan mereka hanya membiarkan sahaja orang asli tersebut dengan beranggapan bahawa orang asli mungkin tak faham undang-undang.

Selepas kira-kira tujuh minit berlalu, orang asli tadi datang semula dengan motorsikalnya tetapi kali ini hanya seorang sahaja. Sampai sahaja di hadapan polis, orang asli itu berkata dengan bersahaja.

Katanya "...maaflah encik tadi saya tak berhenti pasal dah penuh, sekarang ni dah kosong boleh lah tumpang.."
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Post time 20-7-2005 01:55 PM | Show all posts
Tiga orang perompak berjaya merompak sebuah bank di ibu kota..
Apabila sampai di tempat persembunyian... mereka bercadang hendak membahagi-bahagikan wang
yang telah dicuri tadi..

"Mari kita bahagikan wang ini secepat mungkin dan terus lari keluar negara..!" kata bos

Tiba2 mereka jadi pening kerana terlalu banyak wang yang ada diatas meja itu dan tidak larat
hendak mengira kesemua sekali...

Tiba-tiba salah seorang dari mereka berkata..
"Apa susah2.. malam ni kita tidur aje.. esok pagi kita tengok dalam akhbar.. berapa jumlah wang yang dah hilang tu"
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Post time 20-7-2005 02:02 PM | Show all posts
ada satu joke aku dapat dari citer pak pandir kat era.fm, rasanya takde lagi kot lam ni.. begini lebih kurang kisahnya...

suatu hari pak pandir dan pak kaduk hendak dijatuhkan hukuman bunuh.. maka sebelum hukuman dijatuhkan, hakim pun bertanya samada mereka ada apa2 permintaan terakhir..

hakim: pak kaduk, sebelum dijatuhi hukuman, apakah permintaan terakhir pak kaduk?

pak kaduk: saya teringin nak makan mangga

maka pak kaduk pun diberi makan mangga dan sesudah itu hukuman dijatuhkan.. seterusnya giliran pak pandir pula

hakim: pak pandir, apa permintaan terakhir sebelum dihukum?

pak pandir: saya nak makan durian

hakim: tapi sekarang ni belum pun musim durian

pak pandir: takpe, saya tunggu..  

hakim: nf:nf:nf:nf:
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Post time 20-7-2005 02:03 PM | Show all posts
Girl: When we get married, I want to share all your worries, troubles
and
lighten your burden.
Boy: It's very kind of you, darling, But I don't have any worries or
troubles.
Girl: Well that is because we aren't married yet.
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Post time 20-7-2005 02:03 PM | Show all posts
Son: Mom, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to
give
up my seat to a lady.
Mom: Well, you have done the right thing.
Son: But mum, I was sitting on daddy's lap.

lollol
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Post time 20-7-2005 02:04 PM | Show all posts
A teacher asked her class for sentences using the word
"beans"..
My Father grows beans," said one student.
"My father cooks beans," said another.
Then little Johnny spoke up: "We are all human beans."  
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Post time 20-7-2005 02:06 PM | Show all posts
Dalam perjalanan pulang dari surau, Ustaz Mat ternampak seorang budak kecil cuba memicit suis loceng pintu tetapi tidak sampai. Kasihan melihat budak itu, Ustaz Mat memberhentikan motornya dan masuk ke laman rumah itu dan menolong budak itu memicit loceng pintu tersebut.

Sambil tersenyum ustaz itu berkata kepada budak kecil itu: "OK, dah picit. Sekarang apa lagi?"

Budak itu menjawab: "Sekarang, kita lari ler, Ustaz!" sambil memecut lari keluar dari perkarangan rumah itu.
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Post time 20-7-2005 02:10 PM | Show all posts
To check ur personality:~
personality

[ Last edited by gadis_aries on 20-7-2005 at 02:12 PM ]
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Post time 20-7-2005 02:13 PM | Show all posts
Seorang Pelancong terlanggar perempuan jepun di atas tangga,

Perempuan jepun: I'm sorry

Pelancong: I'm sorry too..

Pompuan jepun: errr.. sambil garu kepala.. i'm sorry three..

pelancong: what sorry for?

Perempuan jepun: Five..
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Post time 20-7-2005 03:09 PM | Show all posts


mana awak dpt jokes banyak2 gini?
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Post time 20-7-2005 03:56 PM | Show all posts
Originally posted by rosslyn at 20-7-2005 03:09 PM:


mana awak dpt jokes banyak2 gini?


dari sumber
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Post time 20-7-2005 04:16 PM | Show all posts
Lemon Health Tips

Listed below are some common problems and ailments which can easily be
cured from the use of Lemons:


Colds and sore throats
For relief, mix a teaspoon of honey and the juice of one lemon, in a
glass of water and drink every two hours. Another family remedy is a
clove of crushed garlic, mixed with half a lemon and sweetened with
honey. This usually clears up anything you may be "coming down with"
by the time Fajr prayer arrives.

Cystitis
to acidify the urine and to stop bladder infections, drink a glass of
cherry juice, lemon juice and water on an hourly basis at the first
sign of infection.

Mouthwash
Lemons are more natural then fluoride and effective in removing
plaque. They also whiten and strengthen tooth enamel

Cystitis
to acidify the urine and to stop bladder infections, drink a glass of
cherry juice, lemon juice and water on an hourly basis at the first
sign of infection.

Asthma
One tablespoon of pure lemon juice before each meal relieves Asthma.

Excessive Menstruation
Consuming the juice of 3-4 lemons a day will help.

For children
Rub the body with two halves of a lemon to open the pores of the skin
and release the body heat

Fevers

Hot water and lemon juice will support and speed up the fevering
process, helping the body fight off infections or toxins. Without the
fever, the immune system has fewer ways to combat the disease.
However, if there are bowel problems this should be avoided

Diphtheria
Use pure lemon juice every hour as a gargle and swallow some until it
cuts loose the false membrane in the throat.

Toxins
Squeeze some lemon juice into warm water and drink it to help cleanse
the body of toxins .

Clearing blemishes
Lemons can be rubbed directly onto skin and left for about 2 hours
before rinsing to clear skin. This is good to reduce wrinkles and
treat blemishes. The treatment will work better if followed by olive
oil after rinsing. It works by speeding up skin renewal and uncovering
a fresh new layer of skin. However, it is important not to do this
before going out in the sun as it will have a bleaching effect.
As a cleanser, beat an egg white with lemon juice and honey. Leave to
dry on face for a few minutes then wash with warm water.

Hair tonic
Massage some lemon juice onto hair and leave it for a while before
rinsing. Again, do not do this before going in the sun. This treatment
is especially good for greasy hair as it will regulate the sebaceous
glands which produce oil and make the hair shine and prevent dandruff.

ChilblainsRub a slice of lemon dipped in coarse sea salt on unbroken affected skin to clear Chilblains.

Itches
Rub fresh lemon juice on the itching area.

Acne
To healp against acne, mix 1 teaspoon lemon juice with 1 teaspoon
finely ground cinnamon powder. Apply on affected areas frequently.
For acne spots, apply lemon juice with a cotton bud as bactericide.

Itches
Rub fresh lemon juice on the itching area.
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Post time 20-7-2005 05:45 PM | Show all posts
What Kind Of Friend Are U..?   
      

  

               ARIES

Your friendship must be warm and on the level. Let me put it this way, You are a fine friend and a formidable foe. With Aries, things are never done by halves. Aries expects total devotion and sincerity in friendship. In turn, he/she extends a loving and strong hand.

Rugi sapa yg tak nak berkawan dgn Aries
            

           TAURUS  

A good friend, though not a particularly brilliant one. Many times,family members and close relatives end up as friends. Yes, a Taurean can give himself/herself freely with time, and money, and practical advise.The Taurean likes friends, to be happy and in comfort. The Taurean hates to lose a friend, as the attachment is strong, and will often go out of the way to maintain a relationship. Taurean can be patient, persuasive,persistent with friends .

            

             GEMINI  

An amusing friend and according to me a good one. Gemini can return love,responds beautifully to a little appreciation. Gemini often feels-but wrongly so-that others don't do enough for him/her. You're young at heart, you could be the life of a group.Whatever others might say about you, I do maintain that you excel in human relationships.

            

            CANCER  

Your loyalty and attachments to people make you a friend worth his or her weight in gold. However, see that you do not expect too much out of friendship. Always ready to give, you are likely to be bitterly disappointed when friends do not live up to your own image of them. However, you will seldom cut your friendship ties and do much more for friends than they did for you. A good, solid friend!

            
         LEO  

  
As a friend you are worth your weight in pure gold. Leo is a mighty good friend. He/She does not ditch people. Leo is very warm and sincere.Your idealism and romanticism comes through very strongly here. Blessed is the person who has a Leo friend.

             VIRGO  

         
Understand, Virgo, that yours is a sign of service and communal living.It is a humane sign. Therefore, you need friends, though you may acknowledge it. In friendship, Virgo is at his best. Virgo may not be a hearty type. But Virgo will be steady and extremely reliable as a friend. Whatever advice and suggestions Virgo gives will be practical and to the point. Virgo hates to break off any relationship. A Virgo friend is a solid friend. He/She is worth the price in platinum.

            LIBRA  


              
You can give good advice to a friend and any friend who follows up will never come to grief. But if you expect Libra to give the heart also, you could be disillusioned. This does not mean that Libra is cold. It only means that you Libreans are often detached. You can be a good friend. It only means that one should not expect the impossible from a Libra. But Libra is excellent company. Libra has finesse and grace. Let me say,Libra is the lubricant in all human relationship.

            SCORPIO  
         

         
There's explosive element here, pure dynamite, if you ask me. However good friend you may be-and you are good-do not be secretive and wear a mask. Yes,you are discriminative in friendship and psychologically speaking,a disturbed family background, sometimes tragically so, is responsible for it. In friendships, you are intensely loyal. Though you do and can appear detached, you are ultra-sensitive, specially in pride and self-respect. You are a little too over-bearing, never a happy ground for a stable friendship. Secrets will be well kept. Do not attach too much importance to minor lapses on the part of friends. You could be betrayed, resulting in a complete severing of all ties.

           
SAGITTARIUS  

      
Generous to a fault and very helpful, you evidently make a good friend. If friends follow your advise they will be happy. Yes, you can guide them very well. Your intuition comes into full play in friendship. You will do more for them than they do for you. Even if your friends fail you-and many of them will-there will be no resentment and hatred. But your own prejudices will blind you on many occasions. With Sagittarius likes and dislikes are intense .

            
CAPRICORN  



Once the initial hurdles are crossed, you will prove to be the old faithful. See that snobbery does not come into the way of true friendship. While you may not be very tactful and polished in your manners and talk,you won't fail a friend in an emergency. Try to reach out more, please.

               AQUARIUS  




Aquarians can be better counselors than friends. The reason is that, though emotionally involved, they can think clearly and visualize situations and problems creatively. As yours is the sign of friendship, It do predict that your friends will receive both warmth and guidance from you.

           
PISCES  

  
A good friend ,humane, understanding, if slightly unconventional. Yes, you can understand a person intuitively, help him without a show of exuberance.The friendship may have an unworldly touch about it. But your advise should be worth following. A word of warning. Do not expect the impossible here. People have feet of clay and so, I am afraid, do you. Accept them for what they are worth, and let not idealism crowd judgement your innate grace and diplomacy could help save an unpleasant situation.
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Post time 20-7-2005 10:09 PM | Show all posts
Originally posted by gadis_aries at 20-7-2005 05:45 PM:
What Kind Of Friend Are U..?   
      

  

             ...



wooo aku nye sign best...

cepat cepat cepat kawan ngan aku....:clap::clap::clap:
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Post time 20-7-2005 10:13 PM | Show all posts
Originally posted by deaf4ever at 19-07-2005 22:09:



wooo aku nye sign best...

cepat cepat cepat kawan ngan aku....:clap::clap::clap:


aku punya pun best ooooooo :clap::clap:....
taurus sabar.......:clap::clap:
aku penyabar so mari ah kawan dengan aku
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Post time 20-7-2005 10:33 PM | Show all posts
aku punya lagi best.. very faithful.. cepat ah.. kawan dgn aku..:clap::clap:
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Post time 20-7-2005 10:39 PM | Show all posts
Originally posted by SweetCandy at 20-7-2005 10:33 PM:
aku punya lagi best.. very faithful.. cepat ah.. kawan dgn aku..:clap::clap:



ooo ko capricorn eh???


patut ah ada tanduk :devil:

:bgrin:
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Post time 20-7-2005 10:40 PM | Show all posts
Originally posted by deaf4ever at 20-7-2005 10:39 PM:



ooo ko capricorn eh???


patut ah ada tanduk :devil:

:bgrin:

muehehehehe.. tanduk bukan sebarang tau..:devil:


:bgrin:
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Post time 20-7-2005 10:42 PM | Show all posts
hehehe sessi promosi berkawan eh
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