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Patient: Doctor, I get heartburn every time I eat birthday cake.
Doctor: Next time, take off the candles. |
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Doctor: I have some bad news and some very bad news.
Patient: Well, might as well give me the bad news first.
Doctor: The lab called with your test results. They said you have 24 hours to live.
Patient: 24 HOURS! That’s terrible!! WHAT could be WORSE? What’s the very bad news?
Doctor: I’ve been trying to reach you since yesterday. |
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A man and his wife goes to the Doctors office, the man who has a hearing problem is there for a physical, the doctor tells the man he will need a urine and stool sample, The man says Hunh ! The docor repeats himself I will need a urine and stool sample, hunh ! this time the man looks at his wife and asks what did he say? The wife answers in a loud voice "HE NEEDS TO SEE YOUR UNDERWEAR |
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Patient to optometrist: I'm very worried about the outcome of this operation, doctor. What are the chances? Optometrist to patient: Don't worry, you won't be able to see the difference. |
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An apple a day keep the doctor away |
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Whatever you do, do with determination. |
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One day, a little boy come to the clinic with his mom.
Doctor : hi. Whats is your name? whats happen?
A little boy : doctor, last morning i was eaten some pieces of bread and a glass of milk. Then after a few hour i had stomach flu and headache
Doctor : okay, go to the bed. Lets i check. Open your mouth, okay. May i check your abdomen? *check*
A little boy : what happen to men doctor
Doctor : Wait. You had a food poisoning. I think You already eaten the expired bread. Some of bacteria on that bread attack was your stomach.
A little boy : So, what should i do right now?
Doctor : keep calm. I will giving you a medicine and antibiotic. You must take a medicine follow the schedule and drinking more plain water. Makesure before eating some food, please check your food condition and an expired date of food. Okay? And one more thing, please wash your hand before eat
A little boy : Okay. I understand. Thankyou doctor for explanation.
Doctor : alright. You can go to farmasi counter and take a medicine. If something happen please come again. Alright
A little boy : okay doctor
Moral of story :
Please wash your hand before and after touch a food.
Always check the condition of food before eating.
Do to the clinic when you not feeling well
Drink more plain water and make sure you take an enough rest
Eat more fruit and vegetable
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Newfie medical dictionary
Artery – The study of paintings
Bacteria – Back door to cafeteria
Barium – What doctors do when patients die
Benign – What you be, after you be eight
Caesarean Section – A neighbourhood in Rome
Cat scan – Searching for Kitty
Cauterize – Made eye contact with her
Colic – A sheep dog
Coma – A punctuation mark
Dilate – To live long
Enema – Not a friend
Fester – Quicker than someone else
Fibula – A small lie
Impotent – Distinguished, well known
Labour Pain – Getting hurt at work
Medical Staff – A Doctor’s cane
Morbid – A higher offer
Nitrates – Rates of Pay for Working at Night,
Normally more money than Days
Node – I knew it
Outpatient – A person who has fainted
Pelvis – Second cousin to Elvis
Post Operative – A letter carrier
Recovery Room – Place to do upholstery
Rectum – Nearly killed him
Secretion – Hiding something
Seizure – Roman Emperorv
Tablet – A small table
Terminal Illness – Getting sick at the airport
Tumour – One plus one more
Urine – Opposite of you’re out
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Doctor:why did you take medication at 5PM instead at 9pm
Patient: I wanted to surprise a bacteria. |
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Doctors are at a Convention talking Shop.
The first Doctor says: "I love doing surgery on Artists, they are so colorful: red Hearts, pink Stomachs, green Spleens."
The next Doctor says: "Me, I love doing surgery on Accountants, open them up and all their Parts are numbered, makes it very easy.”
The third Doctor says: "I love doing surgery on Lawyers, they have no Heart, they have no Guts and the Head and the Ass are interchangeable!" |
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I wasn't originally going to get a brain transplant, but then I changed my mind. |
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What do you call the medical condition where your feet go to sleep? Coma-toes. |
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Edited by MsLilyRose at 9-4-2019 08:36 AM
Who knows something nerdy turn out to be funny 
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Edited by seribulan at 10-4-2019 01:47 PM
I mixed up the cardiac resuscitation equipment with the lie detector, but I will de-fib you later. |
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@Ahgerbitch Laughter is the best medicine  |
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Post time 1-4-2019 11:16 AM
Post time 2-4-2019 03:29 PM
Author
