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Mertua Miskin vs Kaya

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Post time 1-10-2020 04:37 PM From the mobile phone | Show all posts |Read mode
Hello uols, nak tanya pendapat uolss. Bukan i menghina golongan miskin, point pertama.

Tapi i nak tanya ada tak uols dari family berduit & kahwin family xberduit?

In long run, is it affect ur marriage? Kalau lelaki family kaya, perempuan miskin, i assume x ada masalah? Mcm mana dgn family perempuan berduit tp kahwin dgn anak org susah?

Sbb apa jadi pd i, at 1st i dont think jd masalah. Im willing to help, tapi after sometimes i rasa mcm beban/susah. The real issue sometimes bukan duit tp mentality issue.

TBH, i agak menyesal kahwin dgn family x berduit. I bukan kedekut, but if kita je memberi, bila nasihat tak nak dengar, susah la. Kdg2, bukan la mengaharap balasan dlm bentuk duit sbb tau xmampu, tp boleh tak faham kita ni tak biasa dlm sesuatu tu?

Contoh kes, i boleh faham balik kg, x ada bilik khas, cuma tumpang bilik org. Bilik air pon 1 kongsi ramai2. Tilam katil pon x ada . I ada belikan. Tp boleh x kdg2 faham kalau kita nak duduk homestay? Atau mintak mereka stay hotel bila dtg? Expenses paid by me.

Perbezaan tu boleh kata my parent income around 30k++ while FIL around 2K++

Tlg bagi nasihat kat i please. How to ikhlaskan hati and so on

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Post time 1-10-2020 05:12 PM From the mobile phone | Show all posts
Nk buat cm ner telan jela semua..pikir bnyk pn xselesai mslh..bab mentality ssh nk tukar..lg2 kalo yg miskin tu ddk di kg..jd yg pandai kaya dan bandar ni kne guna la akal yg pandai tu utk sesuaikn diri
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Post time 1-10-2020 05:20 PM From the mobile phone | Show all posts
Deols org kg ke u.. Sbnrnya mentality yg kita susah nk tukar.. Kalau la boleh tukar kn.. Kena hadap smp la deols dh takde.. I bet u org bndr n deols org kg..
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Post time 1-10-2020 05:24 PM From the mobile phone | Show all posts
I harap you tabah. I tak kahwin lagi tapi ada la tengok kawan yang macam susah sikit dengan family mertua sebab mentaliti berbeza.
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Post time 1-10-2020 06:31 PM | Show all posts
Edited by CocoCily at 1-10-2020 06:47 PM

TT kahwin dengan orang kampung la ni ya. Kisah kita terbalik la ye. Macam saya, saya orang kampung kahwin dengan orang bandar from family berduit.
For your question : in the long run, does it affect our marriage? On the ground of family differences I would say No. Not at all.

My husband and I met masa both of us study in oversea. My parents disapprove the relationship (later after a few years of marriage only I know that my inlaws pun actually). I think they have no choice except to allow us to be together gitu.

For me, bila dah kahwin as husband and wife need to understand each other and yes, family pun kena faham. In my case rumah ayah kat kampung bilik tidur ada a few (all with bed etc), bilik air not connected - located kat dapur but 2 each (2 toilets & 2 showers - 1 shower, ayah renovate to suit my husband ). After arwah mak I meninggal, no one really clean the house throughly (if kakak balik kampung, before dia balik dia akan cabut bedsheet and wash it, lipat). Bilik yang tak di guna, bed tu akan di cover with blanket. I ni pulak jenis selalu jenguk parents since bujang. So after dah kahwin, 1st few time balik kampung tu  arwah ayah akan kemas, cuci cadar (yes, cuci before pasang) because dia nak my husband selesa. After that i dah tak inform dia. We just balik and I akan bawak balik cadar yang dah bersih & suruh husband drop me off & datang balik after 1 hour/2 hours - cukup masa la I nak sapu, mop, lap etc. FYI, my husband angkut comforter balik and tidur on the floor sebab dia takut katil tu not strong (katil lama katanya ), good sidenya I dapat tidur atas katil besar la )

Lama - lama, arwah ayah kesian kan I balik kampung selalu penat (kemas/memasak/mencuci) so dia cakap balik kampung after that duduk hotel jelah. Apparently hotel kat kampung kan - not as per my husband standard juga . Family, sedara mara semua pun lama lama faham (dalam 5-6 tahun juga la kena explain) yang kehidupan husband I ni tak macam I. I ni boleh adapt with any situation/location etc. For me I bersyukur dapat parents yang baik and understand.

May be case you different because it's your husband side and may be they expect you to adapt. Talk to your husband and try to make your inlaws understand. Because awal awal kahwin dulu i pun expect my husband to adapt and masa rasa macam nak balik kampung sorang diri. Ye la kahwin sama melayu bukannya dengan mat saleh. Hahaha..I wish you the best TT.

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Post time 1-10-2020 06:40 PM From the mobile phone | Show all posts
Bagi i bukan sebab miskin atau kaya. Tapi sebab pemikiran. Ade je yg miskin tapi pandai guna kepala otak. Sepatutnya dah tau anak tu dah ada keluarga sendiri. Dah ada tanggungjawab yang baru.
Anak pon kena lah bertegas dengan family dia sendiri. Buat baik dengan family sendiri tapi biar berpada2. Jangan sampai ada yg terasa hati. Tarik rambut dalam tepung, rambut tak putus tepung tak berselerak.
Tapi sebenarnya susah bila dah babitkan orang tua ni. Kesian suami tersepit antara parents dan isteri.

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Post time 1-10-2020 10:09 PM From the mobile phone | Show all posts
dats y kena cari yg sekufu

supaya mudah adapt
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Post time 1-10-2020 10:10 PM From the mobile phone | Show all posts
masuk kandang kambing kena la mengembek

sape suruh mengaum
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 Author| Post time 1-10-2020 11:08 PM From the mobile phone | Show all posts
NurAlia14 replied at 1-10-2020 05:12 PM
Nk buat cm ner telan jela semua..pikir bnyk pn xselesai mslh..bab mentality ssh nk tukar..lg2 kalo y ...

Ya betul. Sbb i ada akal yg pnjang (xnk ckp pandai) la kita bg hint nasihat sikit2. Tp dicop kurang ajar. X ada modal bisnes, sibuk nak bisnes. Family i yg ada steady income pon xberani nak judikan duit. Lps tu mula bertukar2 bisnes susahkan org lain.
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 Author| Post time 1-10-2020 11:09 PM From the mobile phone | Show all posts
luvcomot87 replied at 1-10-2020 05:20 PM
Deols org kg ke u.. Sbnrnya mentality yg kita susah nk tukar.. Kalau la boleh tukar kn.. Kena hadap  ...

Ya betul. Klau hasil mentaliti tu xsusahkan ank menantu cucu xpe uols. Tp betul u ckp mmg mentaliti kg 1 hal, tp mcm mana nk explain ye, kalau i duduk dgn geng naza, mgkin i dibenci sbb mentaliti x sama. Gitu kekdahnya. Bila kita suarakan pndapat, org mula x suka
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 Author| Post time 1-10-2020 11:10 PM From the mobile phone | Show all posts
Cenderakirana9 replied at 1-10-2020 05:24 PM
I harap you tabah. I tak kahwin lagi tapi ada la tengok kawan yang macam susah sikit dengan family m ...

Tahun pertama ok lg, sejak ada ank, until now makin menjadi. I hidup dlm stress. Sometimes rasa menyesal xkahwin ank yatim or ank orka
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 Author| Post time 1-10-2020 11:19 PM From the mobile phone | Show all posts
CocoCily replied at 1-10-2020 06:31 PM
TT kahwin dengan orang kampung la ni ya. Kisah kita terbalik la ye. Macam saya, saya orang kampung k ...

True!! I susah because i menantu perempuan. Paham2 la menantu perempuan sng dibenci. I balik xpernah la ada layanan special. I dah la xramai siblings so i use to relax all the time bila balik rumah. Balik rumah FIL, kena buat keje. I xkisah sgt and sometimes kalau i mengantuk/malas/penat, i x tlg 100%. Sampai 1 tahap i rasa i penat sgt. Sbb i dont think anyone respect i. U imagine la thn pertama kedua i still buat rajin. Nmpk je pinggan bertimbun i akn tlg cuci, remind u pinggan2 tu paling kecik umur yg xcuci is drjah 6 mcm tu. yg paling besar awal 20an or late teens i xingat. Dan ya, smua jenis tggal pinggan lps mkn dkt sink. Some of them even have leftover!!!

Thn pertama kedua i kesian dgn MIL , lama2 i jd sakit hati. Xboleh ke masing2 cuci sndri??? Penat la woi baru cuci, cuci lg. Mak ayah xajar lgsg ank cuci lepas mkn. Sikit pon xmarah. While my family, kena dgr bebelan, silap hari dgr makian, kalau pinggan sebijik pon xboleh cuci. So skrg, lps mkn i just cuci pinggan i. MIL penat? Pndai2 la dia ckp dgn ank2 dia.

Nak stay hotel??? Early marriage i pernah ckp if my BIL get married, SIL get married boleh la stay hotel. Xkn nk cramp ramai2. Boleh husband i ckp xnk. Nnti apa family dia ckp. OMG!!! Dgn x ada bilik khas, rumah kecik, kena pakai tudung 24jam!! What if kena susukan baby?? Parent i dtg rumah pon jarang2 stay lama. If kena stay lama, diaorang akan tido homestay atau hotel.


I xtau la berapa lama lg bertahan sblm boom. Skrg dah tnjuk perangai xelok i klau balik. Cannot tahan dah la.
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 Author| Post time 1-10-2020 11:22 PM From the mobile phone | Show all posts
Gomea replied at 1-10-2020 06:40 PM
Bagi i bukan sebab miskin atau kaya. Tapi sebab pemikiran. Ade je yg miskin tapi pandai guna kepala  ...

Susah sgt uols. Mak i jenis jahat, mulut jahat. But ada 1 time mak i xsihat, so i decide cuti pnjang kali tu xbalik rumah mertua, boleh mak i tanya, xbalik rumah MIL skali ke? Nanti MIL sentap pulak. Tp pernah 1 time i balik rumah MIL, i decide xnk singgah rumah mak i sbb gaduh, xpernah sekali dia tnya.

Then the subsequent cuti, dah balik rumah dia, lps tu turn rumah family i, dia boleh kacau mntk sggah sblm balik.

Mind u my sibiling ada 2, dia ada 7. I nak cerai!!!
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 Author| Post time 1-10-2020 11:36 PM From the mobile phone | Show all posts
tagas replied at 1-10-2020 10:09 PM
dats y kena cari yg sekufu

supaya mudah adapt

Sbb org selalu ckp money doesnt matter. Realitynya it is!!! Kalau FIL kaya, for sure i akn layan baik. Sory i mmg bias kalau dpt layanan selesa atau at least pemikiran sama. Still waiting for someone yg nasib mcm i, please advice me what to do. Xnk jd kurang ajar but i seriously xboleh adapt la family dia

Xberduit, tp salah sendiri yg pilih option tu. MIL pernah ckp xpe lah sbb ayah i byk duit. Yes, but he sacrifies  a lot in order to do that. At tough time, dia bertahan. Xbuat decision seolah dia betul. Mkn gaji dari bawah bukannya suka2 buat bisnes. Lps tu ank2 lepas belajar terus kerja. Ambil course kayangan sekali pon, he wont allow us 1 month pon duduk rumah. Jgn ckp lepas belajar uni, in fact after spm dah kena kerah keja dekat mall.

While FIL, dah lah susah mmg xmampu, anak xkerja rilex je. Sampai setahun pon ada. Alasan xjumpa kerja yg kena. Nak yg course dia belajar jugak. Suruh kerja dkt bdr kejap pon mcm2 alasan. Yg sekolah, malas belajar. Tp PIL xbising pon.

Beza sgt mentaliti my family n FIL. I punya mentaliti pon byk ikut my family. Jenis fikir panjang2. My dad siap kira budget utk besar kan ank2. By 65, dia dah siap timing no more ank2 kecik. FIL , dlm keadaan xmampu, i xingat berapa pendapatan that time, maybe 1000+ a month or lower than that, boleh lg tmbah ank ke 7!!!! Beza dgn sebelum tu dlm 2-3thn. Dan that time ada masalah family masa tu FIL i buat hal.

Can u imagine??? So silap diaorang, now i as menantu terpaksa tanggung. Ada 1 time tu, i tengah bincang2 kwn i ajak vacay sekali ke UK, so i excited la cerita dkt MIL, sbb i assume dia hati bersih, n happy for me. Turns out, dia pegi ckp dkt ank2 nak jugak travel, dekat2 pon ok.

The thing is, sah2 la i yg menantu kena chip in duit!!! Kalau x have to travel to their standard. But im sure have to chip in. Mgkin x secara direct, tp sure byk duit husband akn habis, so i la kena cover duit bulanan yg ckup tu. sbb dah tentu2 yg lain mmg xada duit n ada yg masih sekolah

Bila cadangkan suruh travel berdua, xsampai hati pulak nak tggal ank2 yg lain!! My parent both pernah travel without me!! Sbb i dah keja tp xckup duit nak byr (dekat je) but i get the lesson.

Kdg2 i rasa fair ke for us?? I lg byk jd org gaji utk FIL, lg byk bg duit ke FIL compare family sendiri. Kenapa kena utamakan family yg bkn besarkan i pon??

Sng ckp, i bantah kalau ada kes mcm ni. Please get someone ur level or beza 1-2level. Seriously its hard!!!
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Post time 2-10-2020 12:02 AM From the mobile phone | Show all posts
anony-mous replied at 1-10-2020 11:10 PM
Tahun pertama ok lg, sejak ada ank, until now makin menjadi. I hidup dlm stress. Sometimes rasa me ...

You kahwin sebab cinta ke? I dulu pernah ada ex, baik orangnya cuma mentaliti dia i tak suka. Family biasa2. Ayah pemandu lori and mak suru rumah but ada la jual kuih. Family tak pentingkan pendidikan and kemajuan diri. Just asal kerja yang boleh tampung hidup cukup2
Bila kitorang berborak, tak boleh ada deep talk. I pulak bukan orang yang layan sangat small talk. Pastu paling i tak suka is cara diorang manage belanja. Family bukannya kaya tapi beli motor besar yang harga sama dengan kereta second hand. Then I fikir, i takleh go dengan beliau so putus. Masih baik until today. Dia memang baik cuma untuk dibuat kahwin, kena amik kira semua faktor.
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Post time 2-10-2020 12:15 AM From the mobile phone | Show all posts
anony-mous replied at 1-10-2020 11:36 PM
Sbb org selalu ckp money doesnt matter. Realitynya it is!!! Kalau FIL kaya, for sure i akn layan b ...

Sabar k.. i rse mmg xboleh bg muka la mcm ni.. ibarat u tnggung expenses deols utk pegi bercuti.. i pn ad mslh dgn MIL.. sbb jenis suke bnding2 dgn menantu lain.. yg pelik she mcm xsuke i keje.. Mulut MIL mmg berbisa n org kg.. menantu yg 1 lg xkeje,bdk kg so mmg tip top la keje dpur n jage anak.. i keje busy,anak pn ad pembantu jage balik hari.. Skrg i jrng2 balik umah MIL sbb xnak sakit hati.. so hubby mmg balik sorang2 je.. Cucu pn she xbole jmp sape suruh buat hal dgn i.. Skrg tgh nk settle slow2 sbb hubby bgtau die trus trang kalau buat hal lg mmg i dan anak2 xnk balik truss.. duit dri kita nak sgt kalau bg..
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Post time 2-10-2020 12:27 AM From the mobile phone | Show all posts
Cerai je sis. Hati pun tenang.

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 Author| Post time 2-10-2020 12:45 AM From the mobile phone | Show all posts
Cenderakirana9 replied at 2-10-2020 12:02 AM
You kahwin sebab cinta ke? I dulu pernah ada ex, baik orangnya cuma mentaliti dia i tak suka. Fami ...

Ya sbb cinta uols. Patut i pilih sbb duit. Small or deep talk dua2 i boleh. But deep talk of course x sama. Org2 mcm ni will never ever faham fikiran org yg deep thought. We think too much. Consequences after 20 30 years. We plan ahead. Bkn atas kertas but in our mind. Kita fikir dah kalau ni jd mcm ni, kalau tu jd mcm tu. so agak susah , husband i xsuka i bebel2, tp i pon xsuka nk membebel n ckp byk kali. Cth kalau i remind 2-3 kali nnti dia marah ckp xperlu remind byk kali. Hujung2 xbuat jgk then apa yg jd ialah consequences yg i risau sgt. I rasa lebih mudah hidup sbgai janda kot.

Family dia pulak lg teruk dri family ex uols. At least they work. Org susah mcm ni always ingat kita ni kerja sng, goyang kaki, x ada struggle, main phone 24hours. But reality diaorang xtau we face a lot of issues, bos xsuka, kerja weekends, gaji naik sikit, jauh ke tmpt kerja, penat letih, mental mcm nk padam dah. Dlm masa yg sama guna phone cari ilmu baru, apa lg yg boleh buat duit, sblm invest, baca dlu pro n con. Buat kira2. Tp org mcm they all, gaduh dgn bos terus xdtg, kepala angin, bisnes susah sikit, tukar bisnes lain walhal bisnes yg ada xhabis pusing lg. Keje susah nak cuti, give up. Malas keje dah. Padahal kat rumah berderet ank mintak suap.

Yg peliknya phone rosak ada pulak duit beli phone baru?? Lps tu phone tu bkn utk cari maklumat, cari ilmu, buat main whatsapp, fb, ig, tiktok, smule, game. Hujung2 bila bab buat duit ckp x reti guna phone????
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 Author| Post time 2-10-2020 12:49 AM From the mobile phone | Show all posts
luvcomot87 replied at 2-10-2020 12:15 AM
Sabar k.. i rse mmg xboleh bg muka la mcm ni.. ibarat u tnggung expenses deols utk pegi bercuti..  ...

At least u husband u faham. Kalau i mmg tak mungkin la. Xpasal2 kena tengking. Sbb MIL i jenis soft spoken. Kdg2 i pujuk hati mungkin Allah bg i rezeki lebih utk share dgn FIL? Tp i xboleh tipu diri sdri, i ada limit at level berapa i mampu tlg. Klau kita dah tlg sikit, sampai 1 tahap, duk level tu jugak, malas nak tlg dah. Sejak kes travel tu, kalau ada duit lebih atau apa2, i mmg sorok. Lepas ni nak slow2 kumpul cash dlm asb pulak . I nak duit for me n my children, kenapa nak kena tanggung org luar? My parents pon xmerasa byk mcm i bg they all
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 Author| Post time 2-10-2020 12:50 AM From the mobile phone | Show all posts
sharlenetexas replied at 2-10-2020 12:27 AM
Cerai je sis. Hati pun tenang.

Xsempat nak bg hint pon uols. I rasa husband i lgsg xdpt tgkap yg i start xsuka FIL
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