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Untuk suami/isteri yg pernah tawar hati dengan pasangan but..
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aku nk jawab tp lom kawen
tp aku dah tawar hati ngan tunang aku |
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Reply #20 Mamason's post
mamason, dah tukar tajuk dah, its open for husband and wife jugak.. |
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Reply #1 kaknoo's post
1. Apa yang menyebabkan rasa tawar hati ?
(a).Tak amek kisah je nasib anak isteri. Dahla kami tinggal berjauhan. Tak adanya dia nak tepon tanya kbr anak isteri. Saya selalu terpikir, kotla saya ditakdirkan meninggal, mmg sah2 dia tak akan tahu (lainlah kalau ada org tepon bgtau dia). Nak sms ke, tepon ke, mmg berkira. Saya kecik ati, dia buleh call org lain, sms org lain, tp bkn dngn isteri. Habis duit phone utk sapa? Sedangkan saya ni, mmg jenis suka bersembang. Dulu, masa mula2 saya amek pelan minit celcom ni, selalu saya tepon dia. Bagi anak2 ckp ngan dia. Tapi bile saya dah tawar hati, saya pun wat tak tau jer. Tak kosa saya nak sms ker, nak tepon ker. Bior jer. Dia boleh buat tak kisah, saya pun, jadikla aiman tak kisah gak.
(b). Suka ngat nyakitkan hati saya. Sampaikan saya musykil, naper le mulut dia suka ucapkan ayat yg boleh buat org marah/terasa/terluka? Last week, masa gi kenduri kawin member dia, kete asyik mati jer masa kat traffic light. Heran saya. Org terer bawak kete, x kan le, manjang mati enjin. So saya tanya, nape asyik mati aje? dia jawab, "Dah kete ni buruk". Terdiam saya. Mentang2la kete tu kete saya (dia iktiraf kete tu kete saya, sbb bulan2 saya bayor wlp beli lepas kawin). Nak mengata kete buruklah kononnya. Tapi x sedar diri. Kete buruk tu gak le dia guna ke sana ke mari. Dah tau buruk, naik wat pe. Tapi cam besa, saya diam aje le. Dlm hati Allah saja yg tahu.
(c). Mulut dia yg suka ngat ngata2 yg tak elok. Saya pun heran. Allah jadikan mulut utk ucap yg elok2. Nape la suami saya ni suka salahgunakan mulut dia. Kerana mulut badan binasa. Kerana mulut dia, sakit hati saya. Ngata anak gendutla, adaker patut, anak sendiri pun nak digelarnya gendut. Isk, tak paham tol. Anak sedara dia, selamba jer dia gelar Pak ITam. Mcmla dia putih ngat. Hai, x larat nak cite sikap suami saya. 7 hari 7 mlm pun x tentu siap.
2. How do you manage to let go rasa tawar hati tu and how long does it take?
Sebab kami duduk jauh2, so gaduh masa jumpa jer. Alhamdulillah, Allah jadikan saya ni, senang lupa. Sakit hati / sedih pilu/ terasa / terluka cam ne hebat pun, sari dua pas tu, saya ok la balik. Tapi masa hati tgh sakit tu, bab2 nangis ni biasalah. Saya dah tak larat, saya nangis aje la. Segala puji bagi Allah. Rasa saya, kalaulah dia tak dok jauh2 cam ni, dah lama dah saya pindah rumah / cerai-berai. Itupun dalam dok jauh2 tu, dah byk kalik saya round2 cari rmh sewa. Ada sekali tu dah dpt rm sewa, tapi suami pujukla, mintak maafla. Tapi pas tu, wat lagi. Pi mai pi mai tang tu.
3. What makes you stay in the marriage or is it worth?
Suami pernah kata, nak cerai boleh, tapi anak2 dia nak. Manyak cantik. Kita yg susah payah ngandungkan anak, lahirkan anak, dia senang2 nak amek. Dia kan boleh kawin lain, dapat anak dgn isteri baru. Tapi saje la tu, nak nyusahkan saya. Sebab dia tahu, saya takkan sanggup nak tinggalkan anak2. Mmg selfish tol suami saya ni. Memang saya bertahan sbb anak2. Saya tak nak anak jadi mangsa cerai. Tapi, kalau selalu ngat nengok mak ayahnya gaduh2, sama gak kesan tak eloknya tu. Tapi itulah, sedaya upaya saya bertahan, tapi ada masa, tak dapat gak nak sabar. Tu yg cari rmh utk sewa tu. Ada ketika, saya betul2 dah tak larat, saya sms je kat dia, suruh amek anak, jaga anak. Saya rela serahkan anak2 pada dia. Sebab saya tak tahan lagi ngan sikap dia. Mmg org akan kata saya bodoh, kalau kasik anak pada dia. Tapi org takkan tahu, betapa menderitanya saya ngan sikap dia. Kalau dah sampai ke tahap sanggup serahkan anak2, maknanya tahap penderitaan tu dah terlampau-lampau. Tapi mcam tulah, selalu bila saya dah give up, pandai pulak dia pujuk, rajin hantar sms, tepon la.
4. How do you feel now ?..do you think what you did is the right decision ?..
Sekrg ni, ntahla. Kalau jumpa suami, saya akn jadi sangat2 pendiam. Padahal saya ni jenis yg suka bersembang, suka bercerita, suka buat kelakar. Mmg dari dulu2, saya memang org yg periang. Tapi bila dah kawin, saya dah tukar jadik org yg selalu nangis. Ngan suami, kalau tak ada apa2, saya tak akn cakap. Dia pun balik rmh, taunya, isteri layan zahir dan batin. Kalau dia tak ade keje, dia tido. Tak ada masa nak sembang2 ngan isteri. Kalau ngan anak2, suka menyakat. Bila anak nangis, suruh anak diam. Anak tak diam, rotan. Aduhai....pening pala. Ntahla, saya pun tak pasti panjang ke jodoh kami. Allah saja yg Maha Mengetahui. Tapi, perkahwinan saya ni, tak mcm org lain. Tawar. Hambar.
"Telah ku cuba sedaya
Sekuat di hati
Agar kita berdua
Akan terus bersama
Tapi apakan daya
Ku tak kau hargai"
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hmmm....rs cam reply tp......
biarlah rahsia..... |
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idup ni macam roda laaaa ok?
jap kita di atas, jap kita di bawah
cik kak suami isteri duk romen pun cenggitu haa kan?
jap laki atas, jap laki bawah..sama laaaaa seme mende lam idup
putaran gituk k
kalo kita pahammmm btui2 falsafah nih..banyak mende jadik mudah, kesabaran kita bertambah hari demi hari
kan?
yerlah seme manusia harap terbaik..tapi tak semua harapan tu jadik kenyataan..maybe luse tulat , ntah2 sampai mati tinggal harapan..btui dak?
part paling penting samada kita usaha dan FAHAM, aaaaa ok? kalo dah cuba usaha terbaik dan faham senang lah cite kan?
tak perlu carik..tup2 mai happiness dalam derita di mata oang lain masih mampu kita senyum..perghhh power kan? |
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terpanggil rasa nak reply......soryy if ada yg terasa...Seringkali sgt...bila rumahtangga tak bahagia..isteri/suami tetap nak bertahan....DEMI ANAK2....betul ke?akan bahagia ke anak2 kalau hubungan kedua orgtua nya rengang..?Akan ada kemanisan ke kalau suami balik 3,4 pagi..semata mata bergayut kat luar??akan bahagia ke kalau masa make luv memasing terbayang pasangan di luar....??of coz TIDAK...kenapa kita harus menyiksa batin kita hanya kerana hidup ini terlalu singkat...Kenapa kita tak berani hadapi hari2 mendatang dgn kuat...mati kah kita andai kita sendirian mendidik anak2 kita??Tentu tidak...MUNGKIN LAGI BAHAGIA....Kebahagian itu ada dalam setiap kita...terlebih berkorban takan kemana.... |
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Biasanya semasa ada hayatnya memang yang buruk tu boleh jadi nanah. |
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Aku nak..
[quote]Originally posted by kaknoo at 6-9-2007 11:34 AM
Untuk suami/isteri yang pernah tawar hati dengan kerenah pasangan but manage to overcome the challenges |
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Soalan saya ?
1. Apa yang menyebabkan rasa tawar hati ?
++ suami kuat berleter dan cerewet. Tapi bila dia kena bebel dek bos kat tempat keje reti pulak nak sakit tinger lah sakit kepala lah. Aku cakap "haaa camtulah perasaan org yg kena bebel". Geram sgt. Pastu aku baru sedar patutnya aku calm him down, tapi sebab dia slalu buat camtu kat aku, aku jadi nak balas dendam. :@
++ panas baran kalau lapar. Kita tak buleh bcakap apa2 apatah lagi biar anak nangis. yg penting hidang nasik, kendian duduk diam2. Abis makan baru bercakap. Yg masalahnye kalau dalam long trip atau makan kat kedai, silap2 aku yg kena marah. Bukan salah aku kalau org kedai tu masak lambat2.
++ He said what he mean, and he mean what he said. Really22222 outspoken. Ituler prinsip dia yg sangat2 aku menyampah sekali. Konon2 sebab blajar oversea lama sangat, so fikiran pun dah camtu. Bila aku cakap aku ni cuba bagi penjelasan pada sesuatu perkara yg dia tak puas hati, dia cakap aku ni jenis pompuan melawan. kalau tak puas hati atau tak suka apa2 akan terus cakap, aku ni jenis cepat kecik hati, so cepatla merajuk. Aku cakap org melayu kena cakap bertapis2 ok. Cakap berlapik2. Dia cakap dah berlapik sampai bila pun point tu takkan sampai.
2. How do you manage to let go rasa tawar hati tu and how long does it take?
++ Mula2 kuat aku merajuk. Rasa macam silap pilih laki pun ade. dan kadang2 aku melawan cakap. Macam berdebatla cenggitu. Tapi berapi la dedua kami. Sebab tu dia cakap aku jenis melawan. Tapi lama kelamaan aku berubah sikit2. Aku biar je dia mmbebel. Pekakkan tinger. Buat je apa dia suruh kalau rasa mudah. Kadang2 dia betul, tapi kadang2 aku pun ego. itu aku pun sedar jugak.
dan semua ni baru saja berjalan dalam masa 2 tahun ni. tapi rasa cepat masa berlalu.
3. What makes you stay in the marriage or is it worth?
++ Aku mmg cinta dan sayangkan dia. Aku sayangkan dia macam sayangkan diri aku sendiri. Aku tau dia pun sayangkan aku. Dia ayah yg baik kepada puteri kami. Sorang yg bertanggungjawab dan romantika de amour. Duduk dalam kereta pun tetiba cium pipi dan dahi aku. tak lokek bagi pujian2 utk aku walaupun depan org sampai aku yg malu.
++ aku tau aku pon bukan perfect sgt. Byk jugak perangai aku rupa2nya tak betul selama ni. Kurang disiplin. Kurang alert dgn org lain. Selfsih. Kurang setiakawan. Jaga rumah and jaga anak pun kdg2 berterabur. Sikit2 aku mula sedar. kalau dia tak bebel tak outspoken asyik pendam2 aku pun takkan tau. sikit2 aku mula berubah. to be a better wife and a better mother.
4. How do you feel now ?..do you think what you did is the right decision ?..
Rasa lega. Rasa mula kenal mana kelemahan diri, mana kekurangan dia dan cuba terima sebaik mungkin.
Masa bergaduh teruk dgn dia, aku selalu rasa menyesal berkawin. Rasa selalu diperhambakan lelaki lah. Rasa aku hidup dalam kongkongan. Rasa aku saja yg asyik berkorban utk org lain. Tapi tak dihargai. Aku prefer hidup bujang atau berkawin saja dgn org lain.
tup2 malam tu, tah camna, aku bermimpi berkawin dan hidup dgn org lain. Aku pun tak kenal sapa tapi aku dapat rasakan sebijik2 macam mana lelaki tu treat aku, sangat kasar, sgt kuat bebel, sgt pendek kata 100x lebih teruk. Tersentak aku bangun tido. Sekali imbas balik kejadian tu telah kejutkan aku. Betapa suami aku tak sempurna ada kekurangan, tapi seharusnya aku hargai dia, hormati dia dan sayangi dia seadaanya. Dia yg aku kawen, mebe dia secara tak langsung dah selamatkan aku dari bkawen dgn lelaki lain yg lagi sakitkan kepala otak aku dgn sikap yg lagiiiii aku tak sabar.
Aku mula pikir susahnya dia kerah tenaga dan otak utk support family. Dah penat keje 5 hari, 2 hari cuti aku lak asyik ajak berjalan. sabar dgn isteri camni tak pernah naik tangan pulak tu.
I think I have made the best decision in my life..........mm right now.
[ Last edited by salju_putih at 6-9-2007 08:22 PM ] |
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Balas #30 salju_putih\ catat
cutela cite u ni..dah berapa taun kawen? |
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Originally posted by edaladiva at 6-9-2007 07:36 PM
terpanggil rasa nak reply......soryy if ada yg terasa...Seringkali sgt...bila rumahtangga tak bahagia..isteri/suami tetap nak bertahan....DEMI ANAK2....betul ke?akan bahagia ke anak2 kalau hubung ...
Sometimes I am misunderstood... sometimes others read what they want to see in my words, rather than what I intend to mean... it is so easy to find someone to fall in love with... but it is not so easy to find someone to understand... what I want most is someone who understands...
Hmmmm.. Saya kira mungkin edaladiva belum mempunyai anak..so.. saya faham mengapa dikeluarkan statement begitu.. bagaimana saya tak bertahan walaupun saya sering berperang dgn emosi.. hubby akan ambil kedua2 my doters sekiranya kami berpisah.. hanya mati yang akan memisahkannya dengan anak2..itu katanya.. jadi, apa pilihan yang saya ada?.. saya rela kehilangan segala-galanya tapi bukan anak2.. dia tak bagi nafkah, marah, pukul, pecahkan apa2 yang patut... I dont care! No matter what I still want my doters! Didepan anak2 kami bahagia kerana itu perjanjian antara kami.. puas saya memujuk hati untuk terus berlakon.. peritnya hanya Allah yang tahu.. . sometimes, somehow I am about to drift away...so far away where no one can see me no more...if I have to... I will hide in my room.... this pain I can't bear ! How can I smile with a tear in my eye?
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Originally posted by blackmore at 6-9-2007 02:14 PM
...ok...aku kongsi pengalaman someone yang aku kenal ok?...
...this fren of mine...dia tawar hati pabila dia dapat tau yang suami dia ada affair ngan sorang minah pilipin...selama nie dia dok ...
Alhamdulillah.... panjang jodoh diorang.... and both tak malu pun nak admit kesalahan dan perbaiki semua masalah....
sometimes... ada jugak yg takmo mengaku salah... asyik salahkan the other half saja when things went wrong... |
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cara aku... walaupun teramatlaaaaaaaa sakitnya
forgive-forget-erase and MOVE ON |
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bila baca kisah2 kat sini
terasa cam sian pun ada...bertuah pun ada
hmmmm apa pun aku akui
kita pun tak de sempurna mana
so somi kita pun gitu
so perkara kecik2 pejam mata je laaa. |
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Reply #34 NurHanim's post
Hanim, boleh bg petua erase permanently tak?..sumtimes eventho it was erased bu its still can be archived匸/color] |
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Tak sempat nak bc seme replies kat sini... aku jawab dulu eh..
1. Apa yang menyebabkan rasa tawar hati ?
His ignorance... his words.. his bad temper
2. How do you manage to let go rasa tawar hati tu and how long does it take?
Hmmm bila dia dh mula berubah... it took a few years.... actually I started to realize his changes when I got pregnant for my 3rd child. Baru nampak dia concern sket psl aku...
3. What makes you stay in the marriage or is it worth?
Coz I look at the positive side in him... I still feels it's worth it...
4. How do you feel now ?..do you think what you did is the right decision ?..
I totally feel it was a right decision (alhamdulillah)... our relationship improve a lot... we become more open to each other.. more connected... more understanding... more..and more.. and more... |
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This is a very good article. read it.
Those who are still single may learn something from here....
Those who are already married may take it as a guideline to improve your marriage....
DID I MARRY THE RIGHT PERSON?
During one of our seminars, a woman asked a common question.
She said, "How do I know if I married the right person?"
I noticed that there was a large man sitting next to her so I said,
"It depends. Is that your husband?" In all seriousness, she answered "How do you know?"
Let me answer this question because the chances are
good that it's weighing on your mind.
Here's the answer.
EVERY relationship has a cycle. In the beginning, you fell in love with
your spouse. You anticipated their call, wanted their touch, and liked
their idiosyncrasies.
Falling in love with your spouse wasn't hard. In fact, it was a
completely natural and spontaneous experience. You didn't have to DO anything. That's why it's called "falling" in love...
Because it's happening TO YOU.
People in love sometimes say, "I was swept of my feet." Think about the imagery of that __expression. It implies that you were just standing there; doing nothing, and then something came along and happened TO YOU.
Falling is love is easy. It's a passive and spontaneous experience.
But after a few years of marriage, the euphoria of love fades. It's the
natural cycle of EVERY relationship. Slowly but surely, phone calls
become a bother (if they come at all), touch is not always welcome (when it happens), and your spouse's idiosyncrasies, instead of being cute, drive you nuts.
The symptoms of this stage vary with every relationship, but if you
think about your marriage, you will notice a dramatic difference between the initial stage when you were in love and a much duller or even angry subsequent stage.
At this point, you and/or your spouse might start asking, "Did I marry
the right person?" And as you and your spouse reflect on the euphoria of the love you once had, you may begin to desire that experience with someone else. This is when marriages breakdown. People blame their spouse for their unhappiness and look outside their marriage for
fulfillment.
Extramarital fulfillment comes in all shapes and sizes. Infidelity is
the most obvious. But sometimes people turn to work,a hobby, a
friendship, excessive TV, or abusive substances.
But the answer to this dilemma does NOT lie outside your marriage.
It lies within it. I'm not saying that you couldn't fall in love with someone else. You could.
And TEMPORARILY you'd feel better. But you'd be in the same situation a few years later. Because (listen carefully to this):
THE KEY TO SUCCEEDING IN MARRIAGE IS NOT FINDING THE RIGHT PERSON; IT'S LEARNING TO LOVE THE PERSON YOU FOUND.
SUSTAINING love is not a passive or spontaneous experience. It'll NEVER just happen to you. You can't "find" LASTING love. You have to "make" it day in and day out. That's why we have the __expression "the labor of love."
Because it takes time, effort, and energy . And most importantly, it takes WISDOM . You have to know WHAT TO DO to make your marriage work.
Make no mistake about it. Love is NOT a mystery. There are specific
things you can do (with or without your spouse) to succeed with your marriage.
Just as there are physical laws of the universe (such as gravity), there are also laws for relationships. Just as the right diet and exercise
program makes you physically stronger, certain habits in your
relationship WILL make your marriage stronger. It's a direct cause and effect. If you know and apply the laws, the results are predictable...you can "make" love.
Love in marriage is indeed a "decision"... Not just a feeling . |
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after reading this..it change the way i look at things. |
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